Covid-19: Together We Grow

The entire world is living through an unprecedented time.  Covid-19 has brought uncertainty, discomfort, death upon us all.  We are experiencing a collective traumatic event in the form of a powerful, highly contagious, invisible monster. Trauma, a word I do not use lightly,  ravages lives, it is often silent and deadly. Covid-19 is deadly but our response to it need not be silent.    

Collective trauma is a ‘traumatic psychological effect shared by a group of people of any size, up to and including an entire society. Traumatic events witnessed by an entire society can stir up collective sentiment, often resulting in a shift in that society’s culture and mass actions’. (APA) What makes collective trauma unique is the lack of shame and secrecy about what is happening.  Everywhere you turn, someone or something is talking about Covid.  As much as this is also stirring up feelings of anxiety, dread and fear, it is also creating a shared experience of safety and connectedness. 

The nature of Covid is traumatic.  It is a deeply distressing and disturbing experience. The disruption is different for each of us, nevertheless, it has disrupted the entire world.  No one has gone untouched by this virus.   Never before have we, as a world, dealt with a virus. Never before have countries closed their borders, governments not known how to respond, schools closed for an undetermined amount of time.  An unparalleled number of closures have occurred indefinitely with no notion of when they will reopen and normal life will resume. The common denominator in life today is that everything is unknown.  And the unknown is scary.

Humans don’t like uncertainty. Yes, it is true, that we never really know what the next minute is going to bring.  We are never really in control but we all like to feel like we are. And for the vast majority of us, a lot of our daily lives are predictable.  Covid-19 isn’t predictable and brings new routines and questions.  Are the groceries that I need going to be in stock? Do you let your neighbor bring you your groceries?   Do you have outside clothes and inside clothes?  Do you clean off your mail before it comes into your house? If you have a cough or are a first responder, do you hug your children when you get home at night?  These questions are challenging and we don’t have definite answers.  

The unknown of managing details of daily life doesn’t compare to the job security uncertainties, pay cuts, developing any cold or flu symptoms. Do you take a job at Amazon because you need a job even though that job puts you at risk for exposure?  Do you take your loved one to the hospital knowing you will have to leave them there because you aren’t allowed in?  Do you, as a health-care provider, move into a hotel because you don’t want to put your family at risk, but then you put the hotel staff at risk? The questions are endless with Covid-19 and there aren’t clear rights and wrongs.  This unknown breeds a scary, joint experience called collective trauma.

Collective trauma is not the same as individual trauma.  Individual trauma is often not shared with a larger population and is often not safe to discuss in community. There is much to be said about individual trauma, complex trauma and disorders related to trauma experiences, for more information on these types of trauma please refer back to this site.  For the sake of this article, I will focus on collective trauma and post traumatic growth.

Research on collective trauma has focused on experiences such as 9-11, the California fires, wars, and mass tragedies.  Most of the research is on a disaster that occurred for a succinct period of time and then ended.  Beginning to discuss Covid-19 as a collective trauma while it is still ongoing offers a different vantage point than the perspective of the research.  Beginning a conversation about our experiences with Covid-19 lays the foundation for developing post traumatic growth or PTG. 

PTG is positive psychological change experienced as a result of adversity and other challenges in order to rise to a higher level of functioning.  Post traumatic growth is what happens to a person because of the trauma.   PTG can occur in five life domains: appreciation of life, social relationships, personal strength, spirituality and new possibilities.

 In preparing this article, I was cautioned about how to refer to PTG, it is easy to say it is like the silver lining or seeing the good that comes out of the bad.  It is these things but it must be done in the appropriate time and on an individual basis.  Although we are experiencing collective trauma we won’t experience collective PTG. Telling someone they need to see the good in Covid-19 may very well invalidate the real trauma they are living.  PTG is what the individual experiences as change due to an adversity they have lived.  Despite us all experiencing a collective trauma we will not experience collective post traumatic growth.  We will each experience our own PTG.  And some people may not experience PTG.  I’m hopeful with a few ideas shared here, most will experience PTG.  The following quote has words for the process of individual PTG.

“It is important not to minimize the impact of the trauma in an effort to promote post traumatic growth. This is not always the outcome for individuals who have experienced trauma and it’s important not to imply any failure or minimize the impact of the trauma. It is also important to be aware that even in the presence and development of post traumatic growth it doesn’t mean that there is an absence of distress. Both can occur simultaneously. Post traumatic growth can be considered an outcome as well as a process. It is about maintaining a sense of hope that not only can a person who has experienced trauma survive but they can also experience positive life changes as a result. Keeping in mind it is not the event that defines post traumatic growth but what is able to develop from within the person and service providers can play a significant role in this process.” https://trauma-recovery.ca/resiliency/post-traumatic-growth/

Bessel Vander Kolk, a lead researcher in the area of trauma, describes social engagement and shared experience as predictors of positive outcomes when enduring trauma.  Covid-19 and other collective traumatic events do just this. None of us are alone in our experience with Covid-19 and that is where the PTG begins.  You are not alone, your own individualized struggle is yours AND the people around you understand, they are offering you communal recognition and witnessing.  Our communities are sharing and affirming our ongoing trauma and we are tending to each other.   This shared experience generates a shared meaning.  To create hope in the face of adversity we need to make meaning out of the struggle.  Sharing this experience helps to make that meaning.  When I walked past the playground closure sign my stomach dropped and I wanted to vomit.  I couldn’t believe it wasn’t safe for children to simply play on playground equipment because there might be an invisible virus that might make them very ill.  A few hours later, I shared this story with my friend, her response left me feeling validated, “I know.  It is so creepy.”  I felt seen and she understood why seeing a sign would make me want to vomit.  We had shared meaning.  And in that moment, I wasn’t alone and I wasn’t unhinged.  I had a very good friend that I knew was with me in ‘this’. I believe it is easier to access post traumatic growth when we are with others because it is hard to see our own growth when we are all alone but when someone validates our experience and growth we can identify what is happening within ourselves.  PTG grows your capacity making each of us more capable than we were before.

Post Traumatic growth is what comes out of the struggle.  It isn’t the healing that comes after the struggle.  That is why we are doing ‘it’ right now.  Because of Covid-19 we are working together better.  We are using technology to go to school, talk with our colleagues, teachers, friends, doctors. We are grocery shopping for the neighbors we never talked with before.  We are creating virtual just about everything because we need each other. Worship services, book clubs, Mom’s night out, etc. We had a harsh realization as a country that we were vastly unprepared for this pandemic- opening our eyes to the need to have protocols, procedures and facilities in place for a virus outbreak. When that outbreak comes, we will do it better because we have a better perception of the need, and we wouldn’t have learned this without this current crisis. 

We are learning that being in front of our electronic devices will never be enough.  We need to touch, we need to look into the eyes of those we love.  We need to hold hands.  We are learning this out of Covid-19 because we can’t do those things right now.  Each of us now has endless hours to spend on our electronics and each of us is finding it isn’t enough.  I want to go to lunch with you, ride bikes with you, see your face in the flesh.  We are all learning the importance of human, flesh to flesh connection.

While we are in this time of social distancing together and we are learning we need each other, there are many things to keep on doing that do and will contribute to PTG.  Keep supporting your neighbors.  Put those notes of hope, help, encouragement in their mailbox.  Call that friend you haven’t spoken to in awhile.  And remember that we are all adjusting to this new normal.  We are all going through something that is unprecedented.  In our collective trauma be mindful of each individual’s experience and listen to them and validate them.  And know as you engage socially and share meaning you are establishing post traumatic growth.

I posted a link to this article on my FB page.  I don’t do that.  I don’t share my professional endeavors on FB.  It has been a connecting experience for me to be willing to share professionally with my FB community.  This for me will be growth.  It also is helping me put some meaning to my current Covid-19 experience and my heartbreak that the park was closed.  It really wasn’t about the park, it was about the lack of safety to just be outside and play.  It has been a privilege I have lived to send my kids outside to play and not worry too much about them.  I am keenly aware not everyone has this privilege.  Right now, it isn’t safe.  I won’t even let my kids ride their bikes with friends.  I won’t let them see their friends at all.  I don’t have a happy ending for that reality, but I do have hope that we are in this together.

In it with you. Covid-19. You’re not alone.